A brief word about your wang. (Slightly NSFW).

It’s been there your entire life. When you were properly potty trained, you realized what it was for (urinating). But there was more to it, wasn’t there?

Why did it get hard when you least expected it? Why did it feel good when you smooshed it up? Or flopped it around?

As you got older, things changed. Hair was grown. Consistencies had evolved. Connections were made between active and dormant states. Lessons were learned about these states and their relation to “other things”. Then one day, when you were a mere slip of a youth, you had an idea. Upon execution of said idea, your life would never be the same.

Masturbation is a perfectly normal function of the body. Unless you take it too far. Case in point, the article “masturbation mistakes” via Men’s Health (read at your own peril).

Why on earth some men would do this shit to their ding-dong is completely beyond me. I cringe when the subject of masturbation comes up and someone confesses to doing it “dry”. My consistent reply is “you and your leathery-cock need to get the fuck away from me”.

But how much do you really know about your wang?

Did you know that there is truth to that old chestnut “If you don’t use it, you lose it”?

Did you know that it takes over four ounces of blood in order to achieve an erection? (This fact alone is a rock-solid argument for daily cardio).

The people over at Thought Catalog published a list of 25 things you never knew about your wang. You need to read it. Seriously.

No matter how much you wash it, it will never be truly clean.

Got something to say about “willy” health or a masturbation story to share? Sally forth in the comments!

The actions of the ‘few’, do not reflect on the ‘many’.

What follows is something that I wrote a million years ago that bears repeating every now and again. I hope you enjoy it. 

Thanks for reading,

Matt


Dear Everyone on the Face of the Planet,

I think it’s high time you and I had our ‘Come to Jesus’ talk.

Schwarzenegger. Sheen. Gibson. Anthony Weiner.

Make no mistake: just because I am a male does not make me an expert on male behavior. I’m just a person with an opinion. Regardless, it seems to me that men have been behaving badly and making poor decisions since the dawn of time.

These men who have been behaving badly, Mel, Charlie, Arnold, Weiner… just because they have positions in the public eye it doesn’t mean that they have another set of rules that they are allowed to abide by.

They are doing what men all over the world have been doing since the beginning of time. They have been indulging in behaviors that are signs and symptoms of a larger problem. Whether or not that is the case, remains to be seen.

Why are they so important? Why do you continue to give them your attention? Isn’t your life more interesting than watching the slow-motion car-crash that they let their own lives turn into?

Is it because you can get wrapped up in your little conspiracies about why they are so popular now and why they are doing what they are doing? It’s hard not to: the one thing that they all had in common was that they were hurtling towards obscurity.

I smelled a rat the day after his ‘scandal’ broke and Netflix had released a ton of his movies for instant viewing on your TV… If there is one thing that I thought was cool it was the fact that Weiner wasn’t going to step down. All he did was send some pictures and then lie about it. He didn’t physically participate in sexual congress with another woman.

Regardless of the fact that they have participated in making poor choices and the ‘possible’ reasons as to why they have, are they really worth your time?

So Everyone on the Face of the Planet, I am begging you…

Please, shut the fuck up about them.

Your individual lives are more important then why some dude sent pictures of his dinkle to his mistress. It’s fall: Go outside and enjoy it.

What do you think? Can you handle making your life more of a priority than the life of a stranger?

While you ponder that, I would like to leave you with a clip of Mel playing with a beaver…