As a parent, stay at home parent, working parent, or general denizen of the earth, it’s really easy to fall into the trap of taking everything way too seriously. I battle with this daily.
My home is located in a social desert (e.g. there’s nothing but urban sprawl, shopping malls, and people I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with) and I live in a part of the Continental United States where the sun is a crushing ball of hate 7 months out of the year. As a result of those factors I am alone 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, and I don’t go outside all that much. I’m not complaining, those are just the facts.
When it’s just you and your thoughts, it doesn’t take much for the trap to be sprung and all of a sudden you’re on that slippery slope that is above the chasm of seriousness. One misstep and you’re thinking about all of the shit that you’ve been trying to ignore that other people have perpetrated. This has been my daily battle for the past 2 years.
As such, I always try to amuse myself.
Prior to my acceptance of being the parent who stays at home I was a member of the retail workforce. One of the jobs that I occupied was that of a field representative of a now defunct company who provided outsourced maintenance to Home Depots.
One day I had a business meeting. Upon the conclusion of said meeting, I was walking my then boss (and his lackey) out to their automobiles. It was a nice spring day and for some reason, the area had seen a spike in the bee population. Seriously, the little fuckers were everywhere.
As we were exiting the building, I was concluding my plan for success and out of the corner of my eye, I spied a bee buzzing it’s way towards my left arm. Without hesitating, I left out a deafening “HYAH!!!”, karate chopped the little fucker, and concluded my spiel.
When I had finished talking, my boss immediately inquired:
- Boss: Did you karate chop a bee?
- Me: Yes.
- Boss: Exxxxxcellent (he said, while steepleing his fingers a la Mr. Burns).
- (Lackey): (oh em gee).
Before the family and I moved to the Nut-sack of the United States, I had an automobile that I needed to get rid of. It was old and not taken care of before I bought it and steadily got worse the longer I had it. If I kept it, there was no doubt in my mind that the intense heat that we experience regularly would vaporize the damn thing. It was winter at the time and my brother needed a car, so I gave it to him. The night that he came to take it away the rear wheels were locking up. It was dark outside and we were ill-prepared so we left it for later in the week.
The next day, I text him and tell him I had diagnosed the problem.
EAT YOUR HEART OUT PICASSO!
He was rather impressed with my dick-drawing skills.
As you can see, I try and have fun when I can. Life can get you down if you let it.
